Tuesday, April 24, 2007

A Change is Gonna Come

When I was diagnosed with MS in 2001, it hit me pretty hard. I look the same. I feel the same. And yet, I'm not. I have aged. I think I have aged about 20 years in the six years since D(iagnosis)Day. And I know that physically, there are changes. But how many of those changes are psychologically wrought? Do I really have less energy? Or am I just using it as an excuse?

The fact of the matter is, I have gotten soft and fat. Is it too late to save myself? Can I get something of my old body back? In my 30s, I looked great. Yes, that is a very conceited statement. But I did look great! Better than my 20s even... well, almost as good as my 20s. I want to look like that again. Is it too late?

It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get to work. Yes, there are physical changes, but they are no excuse. The longer I wait, the worse it will get. And getting FIT will be better for me in the long run. I need to be strong again. Not emotionally strong (that I have always been), but physically strong. Not taking care of my body is only going to allow the monster to strike sooner. I have to hold it off. No more excuses. Time to get moving.

Wish me luck.

Monday, April 23, 2007


What has happened to me? I used to love writing. I could write sentences and paragraphs without missing a beat. It used to flow from me so naturally. Why do I find it so difficult to put words to paper (or hard drive, as the case may be)?

There is so much I want to write about..... but every time I sit down and start typing, I delete it all before posting. I want to write about:

  • working tax night in the post office (contract unit)and how it wasn't as stressful as I feared. It was actually quite festive and fun! I was surprised, however, that people were actually still looking for tax forms at 7:00 that night! (procrastinate much?)
  • how it sucks to have this ticking time bomb in my brain called MS and how paranoid I am about every little change to my body.
  • flashbacks........ those little things that pop into my head about events years ago. Sometimes they are caused by music or scents, sometimes they just show up without reason.
  • how depressed I get about the fact that my youngest son is only two years away from graduating high school, and I am not far away from an 'empty nest', except that I will still be taking care of my aging mother.
  • Why do I prefer digging in the dirt and gardening instead of cleaning my house? I hate to vacuum, although I still do it. But I'd rather be outside working in the yard.....
  • how the internet has grown into something that I'm not sure I like anymore... it's so full of drama and negativity. Am I looking in the wrong places?

Why can't I put these things into words anymore? My muse has deserted me!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Worst that Could Happen

Doing some Sirius listening to 60s pop in the car. Until I sprung for Sirius for my husband, I would never have dreamed of paying for radio.

But now I wonder if I could live without it! Take a trip through the decades - 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s.......... It is endless. I'm working on the 60s right now.

Just heard one of my favorite songs from way back, Johnny Maestro and the Brooklyn Bridge, The Worst that Could Happen.

Girl, I heard you're getting married,
Heard you're getting married.
This time you're really sure

Yeah, but she's not marrying you because

Girl, I'll never get married
I'll never get married
You know that's not my scene.

So what are you whining about?

But if he loves you more than me
Maybe it's the best thing
Maybe it's the best thing for you
But it's the worst that could happen
To me

Oh, boo frickin' hoo for you.

The year was 1969. Young people realized they didn't have to follow the conservative path that their parents took. And many didn't.

It is a seriously good song though. I love these type of pop songs. Country fills that void for me today because I guess I'm too old to appreciate the pop of today.

And the song:

Saturday, April 07, 2007

April Showers

Chris was in a dodgeball tournament on Thursday night at school. Competitive dodgeball. Sounds like fun! They named their team the "Angry Pirates". They had shirts made for their team. Nicknames and numbers on the back. Well, they all had numbers, except my kid.

You have to understand my son to see the humor in it. I think it's great! He doesn't let it get him down!

Ice and sleet on April 7th? This is amazing. It is 31 degrees outside and raining and very slick. What the heck? This is Texas - not Minnesota.

When I was a little girl growing up in Pennsylvania, I can remember more than a few Easters that were too cold for that cute spring outfit that mom bought for me. I can even remember snow on Easter. But this is Texas, and Easter is usually very warm.

We bought a new car today. Braved the cold and rain. Brought it home and parked it in the garage. Not very nice to take the new car for a drive. Hopefully it won't be so bad tomorrow.

The boys were disappointed though - no Hemi. But still a gorgeous car.

Greg is in Houston this weekend instead of being at home. He's at a friend's house. They have tickets to go see Wicked. If I were 19, I'd rather spend the weekend with friends, too. We're going to have Easter dinner next weekend because he's coming home then. Hopefully the weather will be better!

I have such pain in my hands today. I am sure that I have arthritis in my thumbs. The damp, cold weather must be aggravating it. Thumbs are very painful today. Usually, they are only sore. Lots of sharp stabbing pain today.