Monday, October 30, 2006

Back to Work!

After sixteen years of staying home and taking care of house and family, I am going back to work tomorrow!

It's just a grunt job - counter work at a retail shipping center, and it's only part time, but I am really looking forward to it! Of course, the holidays are coming and it's going to be very busy, but that's okay.

I need to get out of the house and have a job. It's not even the money, although that won't hurt, as much as it is a chance for me to have a responsibility and identity that doesn't revolve around the other people in my life.

Wish me luck... I'm going to need it!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


We finally have an honest-to-God cold front! Yay! It's 56 and brisk outside. I love it!

We had some wicked weather last night which usually happens when the cold fronts move in. Lots of thunder and heavy rain and tornado watches. And, of course, Chris had hockey practice so I had to be out driving in it.

I always roll my eyes when the weatherpeople tell me that a cold front is moving in. That usually means we're going to drop from 95 to 80. Big damn deal... This time, I'm loving the cool fall weather. And I'll enjoy while it lasts because I'm sure by the weekend we'll be back to 90 again.

Saw my neurologist yesterday. Got to look at the pretty pictures of my brain. There are a lot more white spidery spots than the last time. The doctor says there are definitely more lesions, but no brain atrophy. I have no new symptoms and I feel fine. No change in medication or anything. So I guess the nurse didn't need to scare me to death when she called. Just a few more corrupted files, but the operating system is still working. Maybe not as zippy and perfect as it was, but I can deal with a few minor lags or errors. The system hasn't crashed yet!

Football tonight! In this nice cold weather.... I love it!

Saturday, October 14, 2006


It is very difficult to be dishonest. My dishonesty isn't anything scandalous or illegal. It's emotional. And at 47 years old, I am getting tired of not being honest. Oh, I could be honest. But it would have repercussions that I am not prepared to face. I am afraid. But why should I be afraid? Of my mother? Isn't it time that I started being honest with her? Impossible.

My mother is the definition of passive-aggressive. I've dealt with it all my life. And I guess I have a few more years of dealing with it. Is it worth the hurt and pain to confront her, or should I just continue stifling my feelings? I'm afraid that if I actually open up my mouth, it will all spill out. All the frustration and emotion will just pour out before I have a chance to stem the tide.

Every once in awhile, I will forget myself and something will slip out. She will get indignant and the 'silent treatment' will come. I can deal with that. I've dealt with it all my life. When I was younger, I would try everything to 'make it up to her' and practically fall all over her with apologies. Once she was satisfied that I had suffered enough, things would get back to normal. Now? I just ignore it and act as though nothing is wrong. I will talk normally and if she doesn't answer, I will move on to something else. I will not grovel. Eventually, she'll get over it and things will be 'normal' again.

It's getting more difficult to keep myself in check though. If only I could sit down with her and discuss things in a straightforward manner, but I don't have the balls to do that. I'm a coward when it comes to confrontation. So I just keep on going, living this dishonest life. I get jealous of women who have great relationships with their mother. If my mother didn't live with me, I doubt I would spend much time seeking her out. Oh, I would visit her and she would visit me. But it would be respectful and polite. Not fun and invigorating.

I don't blame her entirely. Well, okay, maybe I do. Or maybe it's my fault for coddling her all these years. I am a good person. She doesn't really know me at all. I wish she did.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Another Road Trip

This time, we were headed to Houston for hockey games. (as always, click will get you the bigger picture).

A happy water tower near Bastrop.

Forward and Behind

A typical Texas landmark.

This LED sign for a tiny pecan stand was very bizarre.... it seemed to be floating in the middle of nowhere for no reason at all. Very big and very bright.

Our destination, the Sharpstown Ice Center

The pigeons like the "S"

The well-fortified shops across from the rink.....