Optimistic

My plan is to whip this sorry old body into shape by the end of this year. Impossible? I hope not. I am now working five days a week. Eight months ago I didn't even have a job. And I've joined a gym. And I'm trying so hard to get myself strong and healthy. I have to believe it is still possible to save myself. I'm determined.

Yesterday was a killer day at work. There were only two of us working from 1:00-6:00, and the people wouldn't stop coming! Imagine kicking over an anthill. All the ants come pouring out, one after the other. That was my day yesterday. I felt as though I had been slapped around all day. A constant stream of people. Letters to mail, packages to ship, questions (some of them really stupid), complaints about the new mail rates (yes, I know. you are not the first person to complain), no time for small talk.... It got to the point where I was ready to scream if I saw one more car pull into the parking lot! But we survived. I was never happier than when 6:00 came and I could put up the "CLOSED" sign. And, even then, a car or two pulled up and people tried to get in.

Battered and bruised, I left work. When I got home, I changed my clothes and looked at my desk, and the couch, and the television, and gave myself a pep talk. If I sat down, I knew I wouldn't move the rest of the night. So I grabbed a small bite to eat, and grabbed my workout bag and headed for the gym.

Twenty minutes on the treadmill, listening to my iPod, and I was already feeling better. A couple of months ago, I couldn't even imagine that it could be so. Ninety minutes later, sweaty and sore, I left the gym and felt revived. I couldn't believe it. But it was so.

I have a long way before I am in shape again. And the shape may not ever be what it was when I was 30. But I am determined. And it feels good. Pray that it lasts.

Ouch!

So, I fell today. Sometimes I wonder if it is just my inherent clumsiness, or something a bit more sinister. This time, I missed a curb. I was hurrying from my car and just went down..... of course, I put down my hand to break my fall. Now my thumb is very sore and not very mobile. A little swelling. I'm giving it a good keyboard workout. Hopefully it will be fine by morning. Or much worse. I never realized how valuable a thumb can be. Especially on your dominant hand.

The monster cannot be doing this to me. It was just an accident. I'm sure it was.

At any rate, Thanksgiving was great. Very calm and low key. I do miss not having big family gatherings at this time of year. They're all too far away. But most of the time, I'm glad they are far away. I really do want to make a trip back East next year. Maybe. I've been feeling nostalgic for Philly lately.

Seems like it's been a million years since I was back home. It's actually been 13 years. Time to go back for a visit, I think.

Brisk!

We finally have an honest-to-God cold front! Yay! It's 56 and brisk outside. I love it!

We had some wicked weather last night which usually happens when the cold fronts move in. Lots of thunder and heavy rain and tornado watches. And, of course, Chris had hockey practice so I had to be out driving in it.

I always roll my eyes when the weatherpeople tell me that a cold front is moving in. That usually means we're going to drop from 95 to 80. Big damn deal... This time, I'm loving the cool fall weather. And I'll enjoy while it lasts because I'm sure by the weekend we'll be back to 90 again.

Saw my neurologist yesterday. Got to look at the pretty pictures of my brain. There are a lot more white spidery spots than the last time. The doctor says there are definitely more lesions, but no brain atrophy. I have no new symptoms and I feel fine. No change in medication or anything. So I guess the nurse didn't need to scare me to death when she called. Just a few more corrupted files, but the operating system is still working. Maybe not as zippy and perfect as it was, but I can deal with a few minor lags or errors. The system hasn't crashed yet!

Football tonight! In this nice cold weather.... I love it!

Five Years with a Time Bomb

Five years ago this winter, I was diagnosed with MS. I woke up one morning with limited vision in my right eye. After visiting my eye doctor, he ordered an MRI because he suspected it was optic neuritis, a symptom of MS.

That was a very scary time for me. I didn't know much about MS, but I pictured myself in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. After the MRI, and the confirmation of MS, I saw a neurologist. He explained it all to me, and put me into a clinical trial for Rebif. That didn't go well, as it began to affect my liver. Plus it was kicking my ass with nasty flu-like side effects. I wasn't sorry to be taken off it. Ever since, for the past 4.5 years, I have been taking a shot of Copaxone every single day. And not a single negative side effect from it.

A little over a year after my initial diagnosis, I had another MRI. I wasn't sure that I wanted one. After all, do I really want to know if the disease is progressing if there is nothing that can be done about it? I'm kind of weird - I sometimes feel like what you don't know isn't going to hurt you. I know that is incredibly naive, but sometimes I really don't want to know. Do you understand what I mean? But the doctor talked me into it, and it was great news. Everything was stable.

This past month, I had my third MRI. The first one in three years. I have been feeling fine. No new symptoms. Life is good. I try not to think about it too much. Take my shot every day. I figured it would be the same as last time. No worries.

Well, this morning the nurse from my neurologist's office called. He is 'concerned' about the MRI from last week..... he wants me to come in to the office to possibly change my meds. I can't stop thinking about this today. I am completely bummed..... I have been doing fine. The disease has been benign for the most part. And now this? It just plain sucks. Hopefully, the monster will stay asleep... Now I will be paranoid about everything.